Most people have faced the problem of not being intimate resulting in problems and difficulties in marriage.
*Photo used for illustrative purpose*
Even most happy couples could sometimes face the problem of not
enjoying intimate times as much as often. The problems have been
identified and couples given advice on how to work on it and be better.
Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, told Men’s Health: “That
early stage of intense, romantic love drives up the dopamine system,
which in turn increases testosterone and strong libido.
“But over time, attachment becomes more and more powerful and this does not necessarily trigger the sex drive.”
Susan Whitbourne, a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts added: “Maybe this is desirable.
“If we spent our days in the throes of all-consuming love fires, we’d never get anything accomplished.”
To be fair, Susan has a point – we probably wouldn’t get too far in life if we spent all our hours bonking.
Here are five reasons a happy couples stop having sex.
Stress
This is probably one of the biggest excuses, and whether stress be
work or family related it really takes its toll on our sex lives. Sex
therapist Isadora Alman told Men’s Health: “Sex can be a lot of work.
“The woman may feel she has to shave her legs, she may need a
long time to orgasm – there’s a lot of stuff involved, and sometimes the
payoff just isn’t worth it.
“Sometimes she thinks: ‘My vibrator can get me off a lot
quicker,’ and he thinks: ‘I can sit and watch porn and get just as hot
and feel just as satisfied.’”
Partners from the past
Research has found that the more sexual partners a person has
before marriage, the lower the quality of sex, communication and
relationship stability is during a marriage.
Apparently, this is because the more romances you’ve had, the
easier it is for you to leave someone – so important
relationship-orientated skills aren’t developed.
Numerous partners can also lead to a “comparison effect”.
Brian Willoughby, an assistant from Brigham Young University, told Men’s Health: “It’s easy to compare in your mind all these previous experiences you’ve had,”
He added that a “sense of missing out” can then impact on the sexual satisfaction enjoyed with a long-term partner.
Comparisons
When it comes to your sex life, it’s best not to compare yours to anyone else’s.
How frequent you have sex and what you enjoy are personal and if
you and your partner are happy and enjoying the ways you have sex then
that’s all that really matters.
No libido
Every couple experiences dry spells, and sometimes there can be a difference between how often each partner wants to make love.
In a 2015 study, 128 married men and women were split in to two
groups and one of the groups was tasked with doubling how often they
romped.
Interestingly, it was found that when sex was treated as an
assignment, this led to a decline in their happiness. Another study
discovered that the more a couple kissed and cuddled, the easier they
got over fights or disagreements. Increased contact was also found to
help couples feel more connected to each other – which in turn can boost
your libido.
Kids
It’s no secret that kids can prove a death knell for the amount of sex a couple enjoys.
Interestingly, the touch from small kids who are seeking attention
releases oxytocin, while this helps to bond both parents and child, it
also supresses dopamine and libido – bad news for your sex drive.
Experts studying sexual desire for women in their 20s found that 34
per cent of women without children under the age of six had no sex
drive, compared to a whopping 95 per cent of women who had children in
that age bracket.
If you want to make sure you don’t lose the passion in your
relationship, check out this guide to spicing up your love life in 2017.
Plus, if you want to have a baby this year there’s a reason you need to get busy TODAY.
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