Solomon Dalung
2016 has been an interesting year in politics due to the hangover of the 2015 elections and the delight of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) in the struggles of the Muhammadu Buhari administration among other things.
The economic crisis and other problems facing the country have
given many opposition politicians ammunition against Buhari and caused
them to mock his promise for change.
The PDP’s loss of the ruling party status and the internal crisis
threatening to wreck it has also made for an interesting year in
politics. All of this and more have provided Nigeria’s politicians with
content for conversation and commentary.
Despite the amazement and amusement that has been provided this
year however, these are 10 politicians that we don’t want to hear from
in 2017:
1. Femi Fani-Kayode:
The former aviation minister has taken us to two extremes of sanity
this year with his lengthy pieces accusing the Muhammadu Buhari
administration of everything from wickedness to witchcraft.
He also managed to get down in the gutter with Jimoh Ibrahim by
calling him a homosexual ritualist. All of FFK’s tirades are made all
the more amusing because he is no saint and all Nigerians know this.
It would be a great pleasure to have a silent FFK in 2017, but we all know that’s not gonna happen.
2. Ayo Fayose:
Ayo Fayose aka Fish seller aka birthday cake sharer and so on and
so forth; We officially gave up on Fayose when he went to China and
shared a photo in which he said he was giving a speech to foreign
investors when he was actually just posing on a podium for tourists.
That show of shame was the only thing that our drama governor didn’t
issue a statement on this year.
Fayose is always in the news because he comments on everything; he
even went as far as warning Ghanaians not to vote for change because
Nigerians are suffering due to their own choice for change. We cannot
deny that Fayose’s antics this year have been amusing; who else would
present a budget to the legislature in camo pants and a t-shirt?
However, in 2017, we’d prefer to have Governors who actually act
like Governors and leave the drama for the Yoruba Nollywood actors.
3. Dino Melaye:
Dino Melaye was the stunting champion of 2016 and we can’t vex
because na God. The flamboyant Senator showed up at the hospital where
his friend James Ocholi’s corpse was deposited in a bright red Polaris
motorcycle because nobody does inappropriate like Dino Melaye.
He also managed to get away with threatening to impregnate Senator
Remi Tinubu and calling her a bonga fish Dino’s attempt at an apology
was saying that he couldn’t possibly impregnate Mrs Tinubu because she
had already passed menopause; yes this is an actual senator in an actual
country.
Dear Dino, you have already embarrassed us enough to last an entire
lifetime, can you help us by keeping quiet in 2017? Thank you and God
bless.
4. Solomon Dalung:
The Minister of Youth and Sports has effortlessly earned himself
the title of worst minister alive despite only being in office for one
year. The only thing more amusing than Dalung’s signature khakis and red
beret is his habit of “jam talking.”
In just this year, Dalung has said that there’s no need for
Nigerian athletes to compete in the 2018 World Cup because they’ll only
go there to lose and also that the government has been unable to pay the
Super Falcons their allowances because they were not expected to win.
The only question in our minds now is “Why did it take President
Buhari six months to appoint this guy?” If Buhari insists on keeping
Dalung in his cabinet, then he must also find a way to keep him quiet.
5. Ben Murray-Bruce:
Senator Ben Murray-Bruce prides himself on being Nigeria’s common
sense activist, but he always seems to go quiet when his voice is really
needed. Mr Murray-Bruce is more popular for his tweets than for his
actual contributions in the Senate.
We have to admit that some of the things he says make sense, but
we’d actually like them to be said at the right place and at the right
time, or not at all.
6. Reno Omokri:
Mr Omokri is a former presidential spokesman, but it seems that he
has forgotten the meaning of “former.” Omokri feels the need to comment
on every single thing that happens in the polity, and this wouldn’t be a
problem if he wasn’t so shamelessly biased.
Omokri is so quick to defend his former boss, Goodluck Jonathan
that he even went as far as saying that Jonathan reduced data tariffs
from N3,000 to N1,000. Like, is that really a presidential achievement?!
We understand that Reno feels the need to stay relevant, but we’d
appreciate it if he spares us his needless comments in 2017.
7. Nyesom Wike:
In 2016, Rivers State Governor, Nyesom Wike acted like someone with
a bad case of Multiple Personality Disorder. Wike will look for
trouble, tell his supporters not to be afraid of death and threaten to
drown riggers and beat up Rotimi Amaechi, but then he’ll turn around and
scream that someone wants to assassinate him.
We are very confused, but all we have to say is please have mercy
on us and focus on being a Governor in 2017 instead of a town crier. The
one you have done is enough.
8. Shehu Sani:
We thought Shehu Sani was an activist, but after reading his recent
comments about Governor Nasir El-Rufai, we are more inclined to believe
he worked as a garage tout. Senator Sani has described El-Rufai as a
used sanitary pad, a heap of excrement and other horrible things too
foul to be mentioned.
Despite his bitter rants however, El-Rufai has not replied him;
maybe to prove that when they go low, we go high. It would do Senator
Sani a world of good to just keep quiet in 2017; after washing his mouth
with bleach of course.
9. Abdulmumin Jibrin:
Jibrin commenced his rants in July after being sacked from the
House of Reps appropriation committee. He has accused presiding officers
of the House of budget padding and released all sorts of juicy details
about how the money was misused. Unfortunately for him though, nobody
seems to care.
It’s also pretty curious that Jibrin waited until he was sacked to speak out but we won’t say anything about that.
Jibrin should just count his losses and enjoy his suspension in peace and by peace we mean peace and quiet; for him and for us.
10. Tony Anenih:
Tony “Mr Fix-it” Anenih was quiet in the early part of 2016, when
he was being investigated for money laundering but he found his voice in
the latter part of the year through his book “'My Life and Nigerian
Politics.”
Anenih made comments about MKO Abiola and said that President
Buhari jailed him in 1984 just because he was rich. Yeah right. Anenih
also said that he is retiring from politics; we certainly won’t miss
him, will you?
Culled from Gist Park
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