Thursday 15 December 2016

10 Politicians Nigerians Don't Want to Hear From in 2017

This is an opinion piece on a group of Nigerian politicians or public figures whom a section of Nigerians may not like to hear from next year.

Solomon Dalung

2016 has been an interesting year in politics due to the hangover of the 2015 elections and the delight of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) in the struggles of the Muhammadu Buhari administration among other things.
The economic crisis and other problems facing the country have given many opposition politicians ammunition against Buhari and caused them to mock his promise for change.
The PDP’s loss of the ruling party status and the internal crisis threatening to wreck it has also made for an interesting year in politics. All of this and more have provided Nigeria’s politicians with content for conversation and commentary.
Despite the amazement and amusement that has been provided this year however, these are 10 politicians that we don’t want to hear from in 2017:
1. Femi Fani-Kayode:
The former aviation minister has taken us to two extremes of sanity this year with his lengthy pieces accusing the Muhammadu Buhari administration of everything from wickedness to witchcraft.
He also managed to get down in the gutter with Jimoh Ibrahim by calling him a homosexual ritualist. All of FFK’s tirades are made all the more amusing because he is no saint and all Nigerians know this.
It would be a great pleasure to have a silent FFK in 2017, but we all know that’s not gonna happen.

2. Ayo Fayose:
Ayo Fayose aka Fish seller aka birthday cake sharer and so on and so forth; We officially gave up on Fayose when he went to China and shared a photo in which he said he was giving a speech to foreign investors when he was actually just posing on a podium for tourists. That show of shame was the only thing that our drama governor didn’t issue a statement on this year.
Fayose is always in the news because he comments on everything; he even went as far as warning Ghanaians not to vote for change because Nigerians are suffering due to their own choice for change. We cannot deny that Fayose’s antics this year have been amusing; who else would present a budget to the legislature in camo pants and a t-shirt?
However, in 2017, we’d prefer to have Governors who actually act like Governors and leave the drama for the Yoruba Nollywood actors.
3. Dino Melaye:
Dino Melaye was the stunting champion of 2016 and we can’t vex because na God. The flamboyant Senator showed up at the hospital where his friend James Ocholi’s corpse was deposited in a bright red Polaris motorcycle because nobody does inappropriate like Dino Melaye.
He also managed to get away with threatening to impregnate Senator Remi Tinubu and calling her a bonga fish Dino’s attempt at an apology was saying that he couldn’t possibly impregnate Mrs Tinubu because she had already passed menopause; yes this is an actual senator in an actual country.
Dear Dino, you have already embarrassed us enough to last an entire lifetime, can you help us by keeping quiet in 2017? Thank you and God bless.

4. Solomon Dalung:
The Minister of Youth and Sports has effortlessly earned himself the title of worst minister alive despite only being in office for one year. The only thing more amusing than Dalung’s signature khakis and red beret is his habit of “jam talking.”
In just this year, Dalung has said that there’s no need for Nigerian athletes to compete in the 2018 World Cup because they’ll only go there to lose and also that the government has been unable to pay the Super Falcons their allowances because they were not expected to win.
The only question in our minds now is “Why did it take President Buhari six months to appoint this guy?” If Buhari insists on keeping Dalung in his cabinet, then he must also find a way to keep him quiet.

5. Ben Murray-Bruce:
Senator Ben Murray-Bruce prides himself on being Nigeria’s common sense activist, but he always seems to go quiet when his voice is really needed. Mr Murray-Bruce is more popular for his tweets than for his actual contributions in the Senate.
We have to admit that some of the things he says make sense, but we’d actually like them to be said at the right place and at the right time, or not at all.
6. Reno Omokri:
Mr Omokri is a former presidential spokesman, but it seems that he has forgotten the meaning of “former.” Omokri feels the need to comment on every single thing that happens in the polity, and this wouldn’t be a problem if he wasn’t so shamelessly biased.
Omokri is so quick to defend his former boss, Goodluck Jonathan that he even went as far as saying that Jonathan reduced data tariffs from N3,000 to N1,000. Like, is that really a presidential achievement?! We understand that Reno feels the need to stay relevant, but we’d appreciate it if he spares us his needless comments in 2017.

7. Nyesom Wike:
In 2016, Rivers State Governor, Nyesom Wike acted like someone with a bad case of Multiple Personality Disorder. Wike will look for trouble, tell his supporters not to be afraid of death and threaten to drown riggers and beat up Rotimi Amaechi, but then he’ll turn around and scream that someone wants to assassinate him.
We are very confused, but all we have to say is please have mercy on us and focus on being a Governor in 2017 instead of a town crier. The one you have done is enough.
8. Shehu Sani:
We thought Shehu Sani was an activist, but after reading his recent comments about Governor Nasir El-Rufai, we are more inclined to believe he worked as a garage tout. Senator Sani has described El-Rufai as a used sanitary pad, a heap of excrement and other horrible things too foul to be mentioned.
Despite his bitter rants however, El-Rufai has not replied him; maybe to prove that when they go low, we go high. It would do Senator Sani a world of good to just keep quiet in 2017; after washing his mouth with bleach of course.

9. Abdulmumin Jibrin:
Jibrin commenced his rants in July after being sacked from the House of Reps appropriation committee. He has accused presiding officers of the House of budget padding and released all sorts of juicy details about how the money was misused. Unfortunately for him though, nobody seems to care.
It’s also pretty curious that Jibrin waited until he was sacked to speak out but we won’t say anything about that.
Jibrin should just count his losses and enjoy his suspension in peace and by peace we mean peace and quiet; for him and for us.
10. Tony Anenih:
Tony “Mr Fix-it” Anenih was quiet in the early part of 2016, when he was being investigated for money laundering but he found his voice in the latter part of the year through his book “'My Life and Nigerian Politics.”
Anenih made comments about MKO Abiola and said that President Buhari jailed him in 1984 just because he was rich. Yeah right. Anenih also said that he is retiring from politics; we certainly won’t miss him, will you?
Culled from Gist Park
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