The
gay husband of US-based Warri man, David Ukre, has opened up in an
article saying they didn't expect the news to leak and break the
Nigerian Internet.
Eric Shoen-Ukre and David Shoen-Ukre walking down the aisle for as a legally married couple.
News went viral online few weeks ago that a Nigerian Gay man, David
Ukre, from Warri, Delta state, got married to his white gay lover, Eric
T. Shoen, in New York, on Saturday July 30th.
Just like we all expected, it sparked media outrage and mixed reactions on social media as many condemned the act.
In an exclusive revelation to Huffington Post,
David's husband, Eric has now opened up saying they didn't expect the
news to leak and break the Nigerian Internet, as the Nigerian gay man's
family members were unaware about his s*xuality and wedding.
Below is Eric's emotional article where he bemoaned the outrage and attack directed at his gay marriage to a Nigerian man;
***************************************************************************************************************************************
We tried very carefully to make sure this wouldn’t happen. Guests
were instructed not to take photos during the ceremony. We were very
particular about who was invited. It was a sad added bonus that most of
the guests from Nigeria cancelled just 24 hours before the ceremony.
On July 30, I married a Nigerian man. Although he is very special
to me, he is not famous. He has never done anything to warrant so much
media coverage. We had a small ceremony under the leaves of some great
old trees on the lawn of an adorable little restaurant. My family and
our closest friends joined us. Our vow exchange was only 30 minutes
long.
What followed was a day of love, laughter, joy, eating, sore feet,
kids running circles around the yard, and family and friends celebrating
our day together. We posted only a few photos to our Facebook pages and
asked guests to not post photos or mention our marriage.
Eric and David hold hands after the ceremony, showing off their new wedding rings
That night, we went out dancing to a club with friends who stayed
over. The next morning, we decided to take some friends with us on the
first day of our honeymoon to see Niagara Falls. We were still enjoying
every moment of calling each other husband, taking photos kissing in
front of the falls, getting sprayed at the Cave of the Winds, and
accepting well wishing texts from family and friends.
Monday morning, I woke up early to return the rental car that we
had used for the weekend. When I returned, my husband was pacing and
crying, distraught, pointing to his phone. Somehow, someone had either
sold or given photos from our wedding and first dance to one of
Nigeria’s notorious gossip bloggers, Linda Ikeji who chose to publish
them on her blog. Whether to out David and make a mockery or to somehow
use it as advocacy, no one knows. What we do know is that she had no
permission from either of us to use our photos or story.
My husband calls me “the fixer” for a reason. I felt like I might
be able to fix this before it got out of control. I called my sister
who is an attorney for advice. Given that the information was posted on
an international site, there was little we could do. My friends at
Google and Blog-spot, and attorneys who are friends of mine gave me the
same unfortunate news. Mind you, this is all happening at 6:30 a.m. on a
Monday morning. Friends from all over the USA messaged me as soon as I
posted on my Facebook for some assistance.
I did contact the blogger directly via email and asked that the
photos of our wedding, of our trip with my family, photos of our
groomsmen, and direct quotes from my Facebook page be removed. I quickly
locked down the security on my Facebook which had been relatively open
so that I could use it for advertising and sales. I never heard back
from her.
I felt lost. I still get a terrible feeling in my stomach just a
week and a half later. I hate being helpless. How could our tiny,
personal wedding in Rochester mean so much to hateful people on the
other side of the planet that they would find us on the internet so they
could harass us?
I worked as fast as I could asking bloggers to remove our photos
and mention of us, but only one complied. By the end of the day, more
than 150 sites had blogged about us. They were not saying anything
overtly mean for the most part. The comments, on the other hand, mostly
mentioned the “end of times,” beheading us if we came to Nigeria, asking
God to rain down evil upon us, suggesting that we get anal cancer and
die, calling us devils, and threatening us in various other vulgar ways.
Some people commented positively, but they were in the minority.
David’s groomsmen were also accused of being gay. One of them felt compelled to come out via social media after the pressure.
The groom's men with the couple
David’s family was harassed by neighbors and local hooligans. He
hadn’t told his family we were getting married. They were not even aware
he was gay. David’s sister called to make sure we knew that she knew
and she supported us. She relayed that his mom was not admitting
anything and continued to defend David to anyone who bothered her. His
other siblings also messaged us to say that they were being harassed via
telephone, in person, and social media.
You might ask yourself why I would share this story.
You see, I fell in love with an amazing Nigerian man. I knew it was
illegal for him to be gay in his country. I knew it was illegal for his
family to know he was gay and not report him. I never thought that my
tiny little wedding in Rochester, New York to this man would go any
further than between our close friends who were invited and maybe some
of their friends.
David was afraid to come out of the closet to his family for so
many reasons, some of which I recognize in my own coming out story.
Telling my parents was very frightening, painful and tough, but they
support me now. I grew up here, where letting someone know you are gay
was tough, not illegal. Some of David’s reasoning can only be understood
by someone who grew up in Nigeria or a similar country where it is
illegal to be gay.
Why would this be such big news in Nigeria? I believe it is because
the press still wants to vilify gay men and women. They want to show
that the USA is a place that corrupts the morals of children and is a
den of sin an iniquity. The current political election probably isn’t
helping change that impression much. The mere thought of two men getting
married is enough to incite vitriol from all corners of Nigeria, and
other parts of the world still today.
We queer folk still have a lot of fighting to do. We may have
thankfully won marriage equality here on American soil, but until it is
legally safe for our gay, queer, trans, and gender non-conforming
brothers, sisters, and family to live their lives as they wish to be in
all corners of the world, the fight must go on.
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