Monday 29 December 2014

Warning to senior girls: Sexy does have asell-by date!

I once watched clips from Tina Turna’s (75 next
year), 70th birthday and marvelled at her tenacity.
Clad in a micro skirt and a low-cut top, she was
mesmerising as she performed a writhing, pouting

dance routine that involved suggestively stroking
her long thighs and thrusting her hips with enough
raunch to put the average teeny-bopper to shame.
Requel Weich, on the other hand happily poured her
body in or skin tight leopard-skin print and carries
her vast breasts at improbable height on her aged
chest. At 73 going on to 74, only a scaffolding could
have allowed her to achieve such a feat!
And not to be left out of the glamour mania are our
equivalent of these celebrities on our own social
circuit. A few months ago, at a high-brow birthday
bash, female guests mostly in the age-bracket of
the celebrant, out-did each other in the ridiculously
young dresses they had on with their cleavage
struggling not to jump out of their constraints!
‘’What’s with these senior girls?’’ grumbled an
advertising guru I sat next to. ‘ Why can’t they grow
old gracefully? That part of their bodies they seek to
display is essentially no more than a relic!’’
Haba!, I protested. He continued: ‘’Those breasts
are over 30 years past their sell-by date for their
true purpose, which is the suckling and nurturing of
a beloved, needed baby.’’
That got me thinking. Does sexy really have an
expiration date? Of course it does, explained Gloria
in her 40s and a psychologist. According to her,
‘’Sexy, with slicked lips, big eyes, bouncy boobs,
bare skin, rossy cheeks and killer heels (which aid
in lifting the weight of the bum) is all about fetility.
Sexy is the means by which the female lures her
make. Sexy is attacking the seed to make your
babies and it’s a come-on. With intent. So when,
with the best will in the world, that intent can no
longer be met?’’
Looking at me dramatically, she answered her own
questions: ‘’That is when it hits the expiration date!
I’m not saying here that sexuality does not endure.
Many women and men enjoy a sex life to a fine old
age, before tumbling into the tomb with a well-
satisfied grin on their faces. But that is a private
twinkle, not the frantic, futile public display of
women trying (and inevitably, failing) to look sexy
past their time.
‘’You might argue that we should let them be; that
their delusion harms no one but themselves. I am
not so sure. I mean, if this is now newsworthy
women behave, what is the message they project
to other women? The press goes on endlessly about
the sexualising effect of young actresses and pop
stars upon women at the younger end of life.
Might we not, therefore, spare a thought for the
similarly unrealistic pressure upon women at the
old end? It’s a sad fact that broken marriages
among the over 50s have sky-rocketed in recent
times. That means that a great many women –
possibly deserted by their husbands for a younger
model – are suddenly singletons again, fearful for
their future, with their self-esteem at rock bottom!
‘’So the look to the public face of women of their
age, and what do they see?
Good God! On top of everything else they have to go
cope with, they are supposed to look sexy too?
Must they prance around in their fineries like a star
doing the red-carpet walk? At best, they’re not
inspired; at worst, they might feel ashamed. They
know what their bodies look like – breasts drooping
inexorably south, chins multiplying by the week,
tummies still softened from where their babies once
lay, legs wobbly above the knee and thickened
below it – and that’s before you count the varicose
veins! How can they compete? How can they even
Shortly after this conversation with Gloria, I was at
a social event and right opposite us sat a group of
‘groovy grannies’ with different shapes of cleavage.
One of them lost her husband two years ago and
has hit the social circuit with a vengeance. ‘’All
those years of plastic surgery has left their marks
on her,’’ snared a lady on my table, virtually glaring
at this poor widow. ‘’You know the husband was
impotent years before he died?’’ How did she know?
I daren’t ask! ‘’But would she leave the poor man
alone?’’ She continued. ‘’Most of the time, she had
his dick in her mouth, giving him the blow-job of his
life so he would keep the zip on his wallet opened.
That’s why her jaw is now wonky and sagging in a
grotesque way, and now hubby is dead, where
would she get the cash for the expensive face-lift
she desperately needs?
‘’I feel sorry for her. Yet she had a good run for her
prowess whilst the man lived. Now all the men who
ran after her then just look the other way not
because she’s old, but because she’s no longer
needed to make the desperate connection with her
husband now he’s dead. With him dead, her sell-by
date just hit the roof!!”

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